Bullythebear is back

I'm back!

After a hiatus of months, I am back, at least for a while. I think I am sufficiently insulated from the rest of the blogosphere now, and a big part of the social media network. I am quite detoxed and thus ready to start a new chapter in my blog. Whether that chapter will lead to me winding up the blog (possibly, but quite unlikely) or entering it again with more fervour, it's hard to tell. I don't even know where the next fork in the road will lead me too, frankly. In a way, that's exciting but never fearful.

One of the main reason why I stopped blogging is that I realised that I no longer needed acknowledgement. Especially from strangers. There was a period that I was posting my returns, savings, books read and so on. On reflection, why did I do that? Hao lian? Trying to one-up others to show that I am more capable? If I'm honest, there is a small part of me that derives pleasure in besting others. I get high while others get low and the whole world is no better off. I am contributing to an economy of envy and jealousy and I don't want any of that anymore. In the past, I can rationalise it by saying I'm motivating others but that's just not going to work for me anymore. SO, going forward, all that ding-dongs are going to be excised from here. I'm still trying to find the right balance for me and how better to do so by doing some exploratory writing.

By all accounts, this is a strange year. Covid-19 wracks the whole world around, creating unique memories that I've never experienced in my life. During the worst of the lockdown, going to shopping malls remind me of the nuclear apocalyptic game Fallout. Mannequins are still posing in their vacant pose exhibiting wares to nobody. Some are covered in plastic sheets, which in turn are covered with a layer of dust. Carparks are nowhere near-maximum capacity and the malls shut down most of the lightings there to presumably save on costs.

From ITG.builder

Despite all the inconvenience that the lockdown brings, this year is very memorable. Easily the top 5 years in my life. Why is that? I think this year is the year that I put my health before all else. I scheduled exercise time before my work. This marks a shift in my thinking because I always put work first. The one big reason is to be able to live healthy enough to see all the milestones achieved by my son - graduation, marriage, his own children. Just thinking of that makes my heart all warm and nice. I don't want to make a living anymore; I want to start living and spending more time with my loved ones. I want to spend time with my son in the years that count, knowing that one day the interaction between us will just be different from now.

The lockdown also means that everyone has to wear a mask and avoid social contact. Hey, this is entirely in my element, and like a fish to water, I swim comfortably in this new normal. There's no issue with me grappling with work and family because of work-from-home law because I've always been doing that. In fact, I'm slightly saddened that online work is changed back to face-to-face work. Still, all good things must come to an end. So do bad things.

That's all for me for now. Live long and prosper.