Saturday, November 06, 2010

Don't work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.

I think there's great value in this speech. I reproduce it entirely from facebook where it is circulating. I think everyone should read it once to see if it makes sense to you. I love parts of it, though not all. This is written by Adrian Tan, author of The Teenage Textbook (1988). He was the guest-of-honour at a recent NTU convocation ceremony. This was his speech to the graduating class of 2008.

I must say thank you to the faculty and staff of the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information for inviting me to give your convocation address. It’s a wonderful honour and a privilege for me to speak here for ten minutes without fear of contradiction, defamation or retaliation. I say this as a Singaporean and more so as a husband.

My wife is a wonderful person and perfect in every way except one. She is the editor of a magazine. She corrects people for a living. She has honed her expert skills over a quarter of a century, mostly by practising at home during conversations between her and me.

On the other hand, I am a litigator. Essentially, I spend my day telling people how wrong they are. I make my living being disagreeable.

Nevertheless, there is perfect harmony in our matrimonial home. That is because when an editor and a litigator have an argument, the one who triumphs is always the wife.

And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men: when you’ve already won her heart, you don’t need to win every argument.

Marriage is considered one milestone of life. Some of you may already be married. Some of you may never be married. Some of you will be married. Some of you will enjoy the experience so much, you will be married many, many times. Good for you.

The next big milestone in your life is today: your graduation. The end of education. You’re done learning.

You’ve probably been told the big lie that “Learning is a lifelong process” and that therefore you will continue studying and taking masters’ degrees and doctorates and professorships and so on. You know the sort of people who tell you that? Teachers. Don’t you think there is some measure of conflict of interest? They are in the business of learning, after all. Where would they be without you? They need you to be repeat customers.

The good news is that they’re wrong.

The bad news is that you don’t need further education because your entire life is over. It is gone. That may come as a shock to some of you. You’re in your teens or early twenties. People may tell you that you will live to be 70, 80, 90 years old. That is your life expectancy.

I love that term: life expectancy. We all understand the term to mean the average life span of a group of people. But I’m here to talk about a bigger idea, which is what you expect from your life.

You may be very happy to know that Singapore is currently ranked as the country with the third highest life expectancy. We are behind Andorra and Japan, and tied with San Marino. It seems quite clear why people in those countries, and ours, live so long. We share one thing in common: our football teams are all hopeless. There’s very little danger of any of our citizens having their pulses raised by watching us play in the World Cup. Spectators are more likely to be lulled into a gentle and restful nap.

Singaporeans have a life expectancy of 81.8 years. Singapore men live to an average of 79.21 years, while Singapore women live more than five years longer, probably to take into account the additional time they need to spend in the bathroom.

So here you are, in your twenties, thinking that you’ll have another 40 years to go. Four decades in which to live long and prosper.

Bad news. Read the papers. There are people dropping dead when they’re 50, 40, 30 years old. Or quite possibly just after finishing their convocation. They would be very disappointed that they didn’t meet their life expectancy.

I’m here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy.

After all, it’s calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average.

Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family. You are told that, as graduates, you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much.

That is what is expected of you. And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste.

If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people. I have nothing against average people. But no one should aspire to be them. And you don’t need years of education by the best minds in Singapore to prepare you to be average.

What you should prepare for is mess. Life’s a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate.

Don’t expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows.

What does this mean for you? It is good that your life is over.

Since your life is over, you are free. Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free.

The most important is this: do not work.

Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is undesirable.

Work kills. The Japanese have a term “Karoshi”, which means death from overwork. That’s the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle ways. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there’s nothing left. A rock has been ground into sand and dust.

There’s a common misconception that work is necessary. You will meet people working at miserable jobs. They tell you they are “making a living”. No, they’re not. They’re dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful.

People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free. The slogan “Arbeit macht frei” was placed at the entrances to a number of Nazi concentration camps. Utter nonsense.

Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder sliver of your life in modest comfort. You may never reach that end anyway.

Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in itself.

I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a litigator. I enjoy it and I would do it for free. If I didn’t do that, I would’ve been in some other type of work that still involved writing fiction – probably a sports journalist.

So what should you do? You will find your own niche. I don’t imagine you will need to look very hard. By this time in your life, you will have a very good idea of what you will want to do. In fact, I’ll go further and say the ideal situation would be that you will not be able to stop yourself pursuing your passions. By this time you should know what your obsessions are. If you enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling superior, you might become a teacher.

Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm. If you don’t, you are working.

Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth. I’m not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things. The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence.

In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror.

I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth. I now say this to you: be hated.

It’s not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.

One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it’s often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one’s own convictions. It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.

The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.

I didn’t say “be loved”. That requires too much compromise. If one changes one’s looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.

Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We’ve taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work – the only kind of work that I find palatable.

Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.

Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn’t happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.

You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.

You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you.

Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don’t, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.

Don’t work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.


Anonymous said...


Thank you for sharing.
I just wonder how many of us, when we just graduated, would be bold enough to take his advice ? Though I would have to agree with many things that he said.

The pressures of society and to conform to norms are just too great to be the bold one to go against convention. Has anyone of us even entertained the idea of renting instead of owning an apartment because the cost is too high? It is very true that you become a slave to the bank once you sign on the dotted line for a mortgage. You become fearful of being unemployed. You can guess what happens to your dreams after that.

Unfortunately, most of us can only fully appreciate and empathize what he said after we attain some form of FF, by which time, we have lost our innocence.


AK71 said...

Hi LP,

This guy is one of the most consumate writers I have come across.

I had a copy of his famous book when I was younger. I lent it to a friend and it did not come back. :(

I love language and I can argue but I do not enjoy arguing. So, I did not choose the path of a litigator. Haha... ;)

la papillion said...

Hi Ali,

I agree with you. Most of these things cannot be taught. I think it's only after you have lived 'wrongly' then you would have appreciated the advice espoused in this speech.

We must do some crazy things and be a little irresponsible sometimes, don't you think?

la papillion said...

Hi AK,

You're like my wife...lends books but never recover back. She had lost a few copies of her favourites just like that. For me, I've given up lending books. If I lend it to someone, I intend not to get it back ever. Saves me the trouble from getting it back again :)

I've never like language and was never good at it, preferring the hard sciences and the cold rigor of maths. It's only a few years ago when I started blogging that I discovered another side of me. I think it's because I do not have to care so much about the grammar and the correctness of a sentence structure (I remembered that my teacher marked me down heavily for coming up with new usage of the end I stuck with the safe and boring path). Same thing for literature.

It's only when I do not have to take exams for these subjects that I come to love it. Says a lot about the education system that we all went through huh? haha

Anonymous said...

this is typical convocation speech. carpe diem blah blah blah. sometimes not everyone is as privilege to do that.

AK71 said...

Hi LP,

Well, there are conventions of written English just like how there are rules in Science and Maths. Of course, as writers, we can and do take artistic license from time to time but rules have to be followed. Otherwise, we might have some trouble with communication. Sorry, this is the teacher in me. ;)

Having said this, I do not see any glaring errors in your writing. Some minor points here and there but nothing significant. You're not taking an English paper. You're blogging and happy! :)

Anonymous said...

Sad to say but his speech sounds awfully like the one Steve Jobs gave at Stanford in 2005.

Or at least the structure and style of it.

JW said...

I like this a lot:

And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men: when you’ve already won her heart, you don’t need to win every argument.

PanzerGrenadier said...


His "Singapore Dream" piece is more poignant. The pressures of conformity in Singapore society is strong. It takes a strong spirit to decide to goes against convention and do what you want.

I guess what he is saying is pursue your dreams. But not many in Singapore Inc fully understand that concept and let themselves be sucked into the keeping up with the neighbours trap and materialistic consumerism that is quite common here.

Be well and prosper.

la papillion said...

Hi the 2 anonymous,

Let's not be too cynical about these convocation speeches. We're supposed to encourage idealism on the youths because we've lost them all. If the youths are not idealistic, who else would be?

As for it being like that given by Steve Jobs, well, I loved them both. Both are equally inspiring, equally thoughtful and equally unconventional. At the end of the speech, it leaves you with a gap to fill - your ambition to do things a little better and a little different.

Both should be celebrated.

la papillion said...

Hi teacher AK,

I think that's right - I'm happily blogging so I don't really give too much care on the technicalities of the language as long as the point it made across to the readers :)

la papillion said...

Hi JW,

I agree with him :) Someone wise told me this:

Before marriage, open two eyes. After marriage, close one eye.

Can't be better expressed than this :)

la papillion said...

Hi PG,

I think that's the underlying message too. He's trying to tell the newly graduated students that they should just follow their passion and be a unique individual. Maybe if 1 out of 10 succeeded in doing so, he would have been very happy already :)

Anonymous said...

I disagree with most things that he said. What he says is just creating more "entropy" to this world. We should learn to craft our words strategically and learn to speak the truth. Work, to bring the highly gifted human beings to the next level of civilisation.


la papillion said...


Good good, someone disagreeing :) I agree with you that it will create more entropy but I think we must take the spirit of the speech, rather than the actual words.

By telling us not to work, he is saying that we should do something that we like so much that we can't even call it work.

Avoid telling the truth. I think he's trying to tell us we must exercise wisdom in saying the truth. This one hits me esp hard because I strive to always tell the truth, thinking that everyone would value it. But as I aged, I realised that not everyone wants to hear the truth. Not everyone can take it. As such, it must be masked with language that makes it easier to hear or I simply don't talk about it. Everyone can tell the truth, but not everyone knows when to tell the truth. That requires wisdom, that comes with experience and therefore age.

Be hated. He is saying that we should not bend to popular demands but be ready to be the sole voice, following your own conviction.

Love someone. Perhaps it's the only reason why we should be alive.

Anonymous said...

Hi LP!

I remember this one: graduation speech :)

I had one of that book too! lent it too and forgot who took it :)

Its interesting to look at ideas/values/thots/philosophy and evaluate them against the plumbline for truth -- which is the Word of God.

Hope u may find time to read the bible and find out for yourself one day! :)

*I just discussed the issue of "telling lies" with my students. and coincidentally last week sermon was "Telling the truth in love and gentleness". To tell the truth with a heart of love, good conscience, attitude of encouragement, in an acceptable way to listener at an acceptable time when listener's heart and mind are receptive -- is wisdom.


Singapore Man of Leisure said...

I find myself laughing and agreeing with Adrian Tan. He's funny and wise.

I left school at 16 to work, and will retire end of this year at 44 - after my work contract expires. I guess its start early; retire early?

No, I did not have a priviledge start on life. It's all about taking responsibility and making choices in life. Street smarts helps too!

Life is not about assets or money. It's about relationships and the realisation on our death-bed whether we have let ourselves down, or have lived a full satisfying life.

It's interesting that most of the "alternative" views are posted by Anonymous.

Jared Seah