Friday, August 13, 2010

Marriage is NOT wedding

** "BIAS" is a special feature in my blog where I get to say whatever I want with scant regards for your feelings. I'm not politically correct in this feature, so go ahead, judge me."

Wedding is such a sham!

I've been having a rather bad week because I can't sleep well as my mind is still very active at night. I attribute it entirely to the stress of settling matters pertaining to the wedding preparation. There's a thousand and one thing to arrange and tie up with others and a million others to call up and wait for their reply before you can proceed on. It's really such a hassle! I have no romantic views on wedding and as far as I'm concerned, the marriage is more important than the wedding.

Is there a difference between marriage and wedding? I don't know if there's an official one, but I am going to make a distinction between marriage and wedding. Wedding is a one day event (but the preparation is  definitely not just one day!) where you showcase yourself to others, but marriage is a commitment (legally a contract) between the couple according, but not bounded only, by the marriage vows. I think the most important distinction is that marriage is a lifetime commitment but wedding is just a one-off incident. I might want to hold several more weddings in my lifetime but I only want just one good and long-lasting marriage.

You prepare a year ahead for the wedding so that it will run smoothly in just one day, but you say your vows and sign the papers in less than 30 mins but you are united together for a life time. That's how stark the difference is. For me, I'll concentrate on working on my marriage by ensuring that living together is made emotionally and financially possible. For my wedding, I'm just trying to reduce the cost so that my marriage life can proceed with more savings to pay for the COV and renovation. I'm very glad that my gf shares with me the same ideology and is not caught up by the rituals and rights of the wedding religion. Most people that I know prepare their wedding with 20 times my enthusiasm and energy, but of course, that's their point of view. I think it's only a problem when they try to tell me what a 'proper' wedding should be like.

Take the example of the bridal shop that I visited not too long ago to choose the photos for my wedding album. I was offered 34 poses and 28 pages for a package price of around 3k+. When I had to pick from nearly 200 pictures, we proceeded surgically. The salesperson told us usually it'll take 3 hours minimum to choose the photos but I think we took around 1.5 hrs. The salesperson also tried various methods to tempt us to part with another 1k+ to include more poses/pages in the album. I must say he looked visibly disgusted when we literally cut the amount of photos on the table by 70-80% (i.e. out of 10 photos, we threw away only 8). He then told us what other couples did blah blah blah...

I think many would have succumbed to their partners wishes to include more photos because it's "once-in-a-lifetime" event. Out of respect to some of my dearest friends who uttered the same cliche, I would refrain from discussing why wedding is not such a romantic "once-in-a-lifetime" event.

Going to take a nap now....


Createwealth8888 said...

Don't worry. Your wedding photo album will collect dust and be hidden somewhere like mine.

Anonymous said...

"but marriage is a commitment (legally a contract) between the two couples according"

One couple = 2 persons
Two couples = 4 persons

Kinky, dude, kinky.

la papillion said...

Hi bro8888,

Ya, that's what a lot of people tell me too. But perhaps the purpose of the wedding photos is really not for us, but for our children to remember us.

la papillion said...

Hi anonymous,

Thanks for pointing out the mistake. Already corrected :)

AK71 said...

Hi LP,

When you invited me to your wedding, I told you I don't enjoy weddings and opted to meet up with you one day after your wedding. I hope my words did not have a rub off effect on you. :(

Actually, if we are truly in love with the other person, we don't even need to be married. I would be quite happy just sharing a life and staying together. :)

Marriage is to give our children legitimacy and to buy that HDB flat, imo. ;)

I wish you the very best and congratulations once again on your once in a lifetime union. :)

Jeremy said...

Dear LP,
Congrats on your marriage. Take time and effort to build up a long-lasting marriage as you mentioned in your post (not easy but can be done). I'm sure you will be a faithful and loving husband.

Jeremy :-)

Createwealth8888 said...

The Beautiful Wedding at any costs? Think twice!

Anonymous said...

Well, i supposed if we looked at the bridal shop sales assistants' views..they are also earning for a living. Without people topping up more pictures, they aint able to earn more commissions.. so they cant help but to tell couple to get more pictures.. ."once in a lifetime.. blah blah"

but imo, truly should the 28 or 30 pictures be sufficient for you n your wife..STICK with it... cos the photo album is more of displaying pretty pictures to your relatives and friends only. after the one-day event, you will be scratching your head where to put all this stuffs!! (i truly have had this problem!! dunno where to put my album and the photoframes!!) hhaha

Well, i do agreed that marriage is not a wedding. during the wedding preparation, i can never forget the endless conflicts i had between my parents and my hubby. but i'm glad things still work out eventually. hence, i supposed it's a natural cycle that most of us had...feeling cumbersome & frustrated. but after the wedding day, things get better and a marriage starts.

so cheer up, dude!!! things will get better!

la papillion said...

Hi AK,

Nah, don't be sensitive. It's certainly not's mainly the lack of sleep that causes the irritation.

Pat suggested to me that having a good sleep hygiene is important. Since then, I've been reading Dorian Gray and having beautiful sleep then :)

Regarding marriage, I disagree that it's to give children legitimacy. Marriage is to shut those relatives up and to officially confirm that the couple is together. Maybe it's time to give their kids ang bao, haha

To buy a flat as a reason to get marriage - that's a uniquely singaporean reason :)

la papillion said...

Hi Jeremy,

Hey, thanks :) You're on my invitation list...don't you run away :)

la papillion said...


Thanks for the great article on wedding, from someone who had been there and done that. It's really a good wake up call for pple wanting to have the once in a lifetime kind of experience.

Pple should read your posts before planning theirs, haha

la papillion said...

Hi Anonymous,

Thanks for providing the female perspective :)

I agree that the salesmen job is to do that, that's why I didn't kick up a fuss. It's their right to sell more and it's mine to refuse. I just can't help but notice the shoulders slumping slightly, and the immediate shift in tone (from enthu to sian) after we cut and cut the pictures to fit the budget.

I guess I had it easy already. Most pple had really quite a few conflicts. Both my parents, as well as me and my gf, are super bo chup. Part of the frustration thus comes from forcing them to act so that I can act on their action, haha

All of you cheering me on is a very touching thing..thanks folks :)

Anonymous said...

Hi LP,

Most of us have a chance to be a "star" which is on your wedding day. You and your wife will be the centre of attraction where everybody would look and talk about the whole day or night. For me, wedding is like an announcement (the more formal way instead of putting an advertisement on the newspaper), it tells the world (your world and her world) about 2 persons having fallen in love are prepared to spend the rest of their live together (you would have to confirm this yourself not now but maybe 7 or 20 years later).

Well, I wish you all the best. I believe you will be a good husband.
Trust you will still be one after 7 or 20 years later.


la papillion said...

Hi Gal,

I agree with you fully - that marriage is to officially tell people that you and your partner is together till unhappiness do us part :)

Me and gf had been together more than 8 yrs, or is it 10 yrs? I can't really remember. Actually, to me, we're already married but not wedded, haha

beary said...

Totally agree with you LP, and you will know why i say that.