Thought experiment on being FF

What will I do after I have a million dollars? A million dollar is figurative, it might not really be one million dollars. Could be 2 million. The point is, what will I do if I have the financial means not to ever work again?


Quite resolutely and with much certainty, I'll continue doing what I'm doing. I don't hate my job; in fact I like it very very much. There's a lot of meaning and it brings me a lot of satisfaction and joy beyond the obvious financial gains. What I'll do is to reduce the intensity and the duration of my work hours. I think I'll be a little more selective in my students and take in the ones that can benefit the most from me. I would increase the number of students that I help for free or at a very low rate. Perhaps I'll go back and join SINDA and CDAC to help out students.


What else would I do? I'll probably give a lot more money to my parents. More importantly, I'll spend more time with them. Not everything can be solved with money, but those that can be, I should be able to solve it easily without affecting me too much. If I have 1 litre of water, sparing 500 ml of water might be substantial. If I've 10 litre, 500 ml of water doesn't seem like much anymore. My solution to such money woes is to grow big enough to make the problem seem insignificant.


What else can I do? Get a nice mini cooper for my dear wife. It need not even be new (for me, I doubt if I'll ever buy a brand new car), but at least it must be worth it. She likes one and probably find that a very useful tool and nice thing to have and to use in her everyday life. The good thing about having the means is that you can settle all the needs and indulge in a little more wants. Can I afford one now? Sure, it'll be a pre-owned car with 3 year left and it'll cost me 60 to 70k. Is it worth it? Definitely not, hence I'm reluctant to do it despite her numerous attempts to convince me.


At this point, I'm a little flabbergasted. I've a hard time thinking what I'll do with the money. Is it because I'm contented? Or is it because I have limited imagination? It's hard to say. Maybe after not having grapes since young, I started seeing those grapes as sour and eventually no longer want those grapes at all now.


Is there anything that I really want?  I could do with a new desktop, but the problem is that I like old things. The older they are, the more memories of me using the things and hence the more precious it is to me. Says the person who had only 1 mechanical pencil that I used for about 18 years. New things? Cool, but I might not like it. How about more experiences? I could do that. Perhaps more trips overseas? The furthest I've ever been is to Taiwan. Maybe Aussie, but that's because of army, so maybe it's not counted. I suspect I don't really like going overseas. An ideal relaxed day for me is a book in hand, at home, without a care for time and commitments. This will be punctuated by my wife asking me to go out for a short tea breaks at nearby cafe and just sharing a cake or two and watching people and talking about everything and yet nothing at the same time. This can happen anywhere, and especially near home and need not be overseas.


What if I'm financially free but my loved ones are not longer there to share it with me? I'm quite sure I'll bury myself in work. Probably I'll work harder than I ever had, so that I can find more meaning in future days where the sun no longer shines and no cakes and teas ever taste the same again. I'll probably not go to those cafes that we had been together - it'll likely be too painful for me. Oh, very likely I might live overseas and seek a different life altogether.


So typing this post and reflecting, maybe it doesn't really matter if I reach financial freedom at all. Do I need that million dollars to start doing all this? Not really. It'll just be more comfortable and probably it'll feel psychologically more secure. Maybe I can just say screw it and get what my wife desires - a mini cooper. Does 60 or 70k really matter? At most it'll slow me down by 1 year or 2 years, but the important thing is that I get to share something important at the right time with the right person. I'm saying this not just about the car, but everything else in general.


I realised deeply that money isn't very important for me but I'm concerned about it enough to track my expenses daily, invest in the stock market, have money goals and saving goals. Why? Is it because I want to reach financial freedom? I think maybe it's not. You don't see me talking much about financial freedom in my blog and I'm certainly not obsessed about it. To me, the mindset is that if I get it, I get it. If not, life goes on. I'm quite certain I'll be a millionaire though. It's just a matter of when. The trajectory in my spending and earning patterns certainly points me in that direction. And then what?


So let's me totally honest. What I really really want is just security. If I don't address that, even if I have 1 billion dollars in my bank, I'll still feel the same. Can I give more money to my parents now? Sure. Not as much as I could have given if I have a million dollars now, but I can certainly give more.  Can I afford to take up less students and instead do more volunteer teaching? Sure. My earnings might take a hit but that's still okay. I have to think that earning another 1k might not be worth as much as the satisfaction in mentoring a person when I volunteer my time. Can I buy a car that my wife wants? Sure, not a brand new car, but a pre-owned one that we can still use for another 5 yrs perhaps? I'll set me back by a few years, but so what? Can I buy the desktop upgrade that will cost me perhaps 2-3k? Sure, I can, but it's certainly not the priority given my penchant for old things.


That clarifies a lot of things. The difference between me being officially financially free and now is just simply the level of security that I'll have. I should spend more effort relaxing and getting comfortable with spending rather than racking my mind to earn more money.


Self-enlightenment.