Thursday, August 07, 2014

The secrets of the millionaire dwarfs

"Bwahahaa! Those are yer good ol' times, ain't ye?", bellowed Drurim Drumsbearer as he gulped down his fifth pint of Heineken. The good dwarf had long ago hung his battle-worn oaken shield that had been passed down from his bloodline and exchanged his trusty old battleaxe for his Louis Vuitton's leather briefcase, perfectly tailored pinstripe suit and a pair of brown, calf leather oxford.


Drurim wasn't supposed to drink, but of course, Heineken isn't considered alcohol to him. They just don't brew like in the good old days now, you know. Drurim is well past his middle age, but dwarfs live longer than humans, especially now that less of them died from battle. His physician had told him long ago that he had to watch his blood pressure, given that his lifestyle is not longer as active as before. Considering that there are no longer Orcs around to bash, 2 out of 3 dwarfs suffered the same kind of 'modern' lifestyle diseases common to most humans.


Yea, something like that, but without the helmet, the armor. Drop off the shield, the axe and boots and replace it all with modern western suit and a pair of dress shoes. Oh, add in a leather briefcase.


He was reminiscing the good old days with his fellow kinsmen. Most of them are considered very wealthy by human standards. Besides being very industrious and hardworking, dwarfs are blessed with a strong constitution and a stubborn will to live, and that enables them to carry on working till they are way past the normal retirement standards of other races. There's even a dwarven wisdom for that - "Sleep when yer dead".


But the real reason for their wealth comes from what the gnomes invented aeons ago. Master tradesman and inventive by nature, gnomes invented the concept of compound interest and this remains the greatest proof of gnomish ingenuity so far.


Drurim had deposited a sum of $1,000 in HSBC for 3% per annum back when he had first learned how to handle an axe at his teenage age of 30 yrs old. That was the inheritance he got when his grandfather was called up by Dumathoin, Keeper of the Secrets Under The Mountain, for his eternal rest by His side. Today, he had $1,070,500 in that bank account alone!


It must be gnomish techno-magic at work! What else can thousands multiply itself into millions?!


Do u know the secrets to transmute less money into more without the pains of active labour? If so, pray tell exactly how old is our good dwarf Drurim Drumsbearer?

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The idea of a modern day dwarf is very appealing to me, very Shadowrun-ish. We all know the magic of compounding, but imagine the normal lifespan of humans is no longer a restriction, then what happens? That's when compounding gets even more magical. Ever wondered why the vampires in movies are never portrayed as the destitute poor? All the time, they are insanely rich, to the point that they don't ever work for money, but for power. Just a small amount of money deposited in a money bank (not the blood bank...lame joke I know) increases exponentially by itself over the passage of time.


You'll read more of Drurim Drumsbearer for sure.

10 comments :

Y said...

Lovely story, looking forward to more!

la papillion said...

Hi Y,

Wow, that's fast..I just posted it not too long ago :)

Thanks for the encouragement!

sillyinvestor said...

LP,

Thumbs up! If peer appraisal is allowed, I give an A for content and A* for language.

U did yourself injustice when u blog like any other. Such writing can happen without heavy reading of literature..

But hey, I might be able to connect your story ... I don't want to do injustice to the beauty of the literature part.

How about HSBC elves? They lived longer than orcs, and use orcs hard earned money into spells, potions. They even tried weapons of mass destructions which turn up badly. It didn't just hurt themselves but also blow up the Dwarf mountain deposits of minerals.

It was the acrimony between Elves and Dwarfs start, but given Elves are the one who can turn gold into gold mine, the easy partnership carried on. Awaiting the greed of dwarfs and the arrogance of elves to again provide opportunity for Mordor to raise and bring armegardon

la papillion said...

Hi sillyinvestor,

LOL!!

Thanks for the A grade, woohoo! My english in school isn't that good, B4 most of the time in sec and C5/6 in JC. But I wasn't writing about things that I love haha :)

Ah, we have a difference in our fantasy world :) Mine is more towards Dungeons and dragons, less towards Tolkien, and incorporating elements of Shadowrun.

Shadowrun is immensely interesting to me. You can read about it here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shadowrun

In my fantasy realm, magic died with the death of the gods and elves are almost extinct with the destruction of their forests and the rape of nature by corporations. If I ever write about elves (and I'm sure I will), he would be quite an anarchist and a social outcast. He will be ostracised and tries surgical means to make his appearance less elven in nature.

But hey, try incorporating fantasy into your write up! I'll love to read it :)

Lizardo said...

That's a great piece! Love this. More?

la papillion said...

Hi Lizardo,

Thanks! Yup, more to come :)

But nobody knew the secrets of transmutation to turn less into more, or at least nobody tried to do it :)

Lizardo said...

Secrets of Transmutation.

Sounds like another tale coming ...

la papillion said...

Hi lizardo,

Nah, it's not a new post..it's just a lingering question at the end of this post:

Drurim had deposited a sum of $1,000 in HSBC for 3% per annum back when he had first learned how to handle an axe at his teenage age of 30 yrs old. That was the inheritance he got when his grandfather was called up by Dumathoin, Keeper of the Secrets Under The Mountain, for his eternal rest by His side. Today, he had $1,070,500 in that bank account alone!

So how old is he? :)

Lizardo said...

That's 266 years.

la papillion said...

Hi Lizardo,

Thanks for answering :) It's right :)