Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Learning how to fail

Would you do the same job that you do now, if you do not need the money?

I think not many people would say yes, after all, we have to be practical and not follow our passions all the way to the long kang, especially if our passions cannot support ourselves financially. It's kind of sad, isn't it? Life is not too long nor too short, and here in Singapore we spend a good part of our lifetime educating ourselves. Thereafter, we spent another good part of our lifetime working, likely in a job that if we can afford to do so, we'll never do it willingly.

I'm sure you've heard many times about following your passions, and then the money will follow you. I won't say it's false, but sometimes, the problem is that our passions are really not marketable, or that we're really not good at something even though we're passionate in it. Kinda sad, but that's reality.

Therefore, I'm extremely fortunate that I stumbled upon something that I like to do and will continue to do so as long as I'm able to do so. I like teaching. It's not so much about loving the subject that I teach (some subjects I don't even like it myself) but more about teaching people. I love teaching young people. I love the sudden sparkle when they heard something for the first time, or see the world in a different lens that they've never used before. That is electrifying and very addictive to me. I feel more energised after teaching. When I feel depressed, I feel better after teaching. I really think that teaching is the way that I got myself out of depression in the past.

I wrote this article because the last few days, I knew of this very intelligent primary school girl who is suffering from mild depression because of stress in an elite school. It was so bad that she had to take MC to recover from all the issues from school. This is a complex issue revolving around low self esteem and inability to take failures. I was asked to help her out and I think I did something meaningful to at least let her forget her troubles for a couple of hours. I let her play with LEGO, something that girls of her age is not familiar with.

I did it out of instincts, even though I was asked to help her out on maths, which is the area that is causing her stress. But I thought that the root problem isn't the math itself but something deeper, so the best way is to use a non-threatening environment to tackle the root problem - low self confidence. What is LEGO if it's not a toy? So after conducting the lesson and letting her build a model of a race car, I guided her to come up with theories and then testing it to see if it's true. I want her to experience small failures in a very safe environment, where there are no marks or exam papers for everyone to see her failings. She also had some problems fixing the LEGO bricks (usually girls don't get to play with LEGO, so that sort of hampered her ability to connect the bricks compared to boys of the same age), so solving her own problems independently with my supervision will create that kind of safe environment to fail.

My idea is that the confidence and self esteem is like a muscle. To train it, you got to learn how to fail in small ways and progressively fail in bigger ways without letting that negative feelings overwhelm you. After all, to be successful in life is to be progressively defeated by bigger and bigger obstacles. If not, you're not growing.

I hope I've made her day. She probably had no idea that she taught me a lot more than I taught her.

15 comments :

AK71 said...

Hi LP,

Indeed, we are forced to do many things in life which are supposedly good for us. We are also forced to eat many things which are good for us by people who love us. ;)

If we should be convinced that certain things are good for us, then, would we learn or eat these things more willingly or even enjoy doing so?

As educators, we can only be guides on a very long road called "life". As we guide others, along the way, we might learn things new or anew.

When I teach, I always focus on improving my students' competence. Whether they are able to do well in exams depend on their performance.

If a teacher should focus on issues of competence and not performance, I believe that students will not be unduly pressured and could learn better. This is my firm belief.

However, this is not going to happen. Why? It is because students' performance are taken as a measurement of teachers' competence. ;)

La papillion said...

Hi AK,

I like the way you put it. Focusing on the student's competence and not the performance. That should be the way, I agree.

For me, I work two ways. When not preparing for exams, I focus on competence. When exams are nearing, I focus on exam skills to make sure they can perform. That's the time when they start drilling on worksheets and sums, which is equally boring for both me and the student.

Thks for commenting :)

EY said...

Hey LP, to imagine that you had not received formal teacher training, what you did was beyond many who are formally trained!

Previously, as a teacher, I focus on having kids believe in themselves by showing them that I believe in them. And you are right. Teaching them that it's ok not being perfect and mistakes are part of the learning process is an important life skill. They won't amount to anything if they can't even take minor setbacks. We need to tackle the affective domain before developing the cognitive competencies. Heart before mind. :)

Cheers,
Endrene

la papillion said...

Hi Endrene,

Wow, now I have a term for doing the thing that I did all the time ;) They probably won't take me as a teacher because I'm too alternative for them, lol :) Thks for educating me haha!

I remembered an incident a long time ago, that happened while I was tutoring a boy. He was sobbing and trying hard not to show it. I tried asking him what's wrong but he said nothing's wrong. After a few times, I closed off all the books and just talked to him about his troubles. He eventually said that had a fight and a quarrel with his father, whom he think is very demanding.

I asked the boy if he knows why the father is demanding and acting in a manner that he deemed unreasonable. Having thought about the various reasons (almost all of which are for the good of the boy), he calmed down visibly. I pushed him a little and told him that he should apologise to his father because that's the right thing to do. I leave it to him to do the right thing and we continued with the lessons.

A few days later, the father called me to thank me for talking sense to his son. Both of them had a good talk and cleared up a lot of stuff.

Small things like these make my day ;)

PanzerGrenadier said...

Hi LP

A heart-warming story. It's scary to know that children nowadays face so much stress from studies. I can see it a bit when my daughter got zero marks for her zoophonics class. I didn't stress her over it but encouraged her to improve.

Parents want the best for their children but sometimes we can push them too hard. Life is not about exams and academic success. There is a lot more to live for.

Be well and prosper.

la papillion said...

Hi PG,

Scary right? A lot more kids in primary school are having signs of depressions, I read somewhere. Either we are more capable of identifying the signs of depression or that the stress level for the young children are getting higher.

I think that's the number one reason why a lot of pple don't want to have children. Why let your kids suffer?

Singapore Man of Leisure said...

LP,

I like the way you phrased seeking our passion with meeting practical reality.

Developing competence is fun and worthwhile, but parents of your students would want to see concrete improvements in the children's grades too (measurable KPI) ;)

You are indeed fortunate, wait,I take that back.

I congratulate you on your bravery to do what you like, and the wisdom of not being blind to the practical realities (exam skills) to keep this passion alive :)

The world is full of passionate people with ideals but they never act them out - their pride got in the way...

la papillion said...

Hi SMOL,

Sorry for the late reply ;)

You're right you know...Many passionate people lost their fires because of mounting bills to pay. Not everyone has a fairy tale ending, a happy ever after.

If doing the right thing doesn't get you where you want to be, maybe that's not the destination you really want to go anyway :)

Anonymous said...

I had depression when I was in my secondary school. All the pressure is self build up. To be honest, I didn't feel much better after seeing psychiatrists and counselling. What is the point of talking to consellors and they try to pretend to know your problem. And they are always trying to fit ppl into certain category. The only way is for the inner self to recover.

I believe that the problem is mainly due to the fact that the education systems (including teachers and parents) placed too much emphasis on grades. Until the fact that some kids think that if they dont know well, it is over for them. Furthermore, these young little kids have not seen life enough to know that grades isn't everything.

Anonymous
I come and go as I like :D

Anonymous said...

I had depression when I was in my secondary school. All the pressure is self build up. To be honest, I didn't feel much better after seeing psychiatrists and counselling. What is the point of talking to consellors and they try to pretend to know your problem. And they are always trying to fit ppl into certain category. The only way is for the inner self to recover.

I believe that the problem is mainly due to the fact that the education systems (including teachers and parents) placed too much emphasis on grades. Until the fact that some kids think that if they dont do well, it is over for them. Furthermore, these young little kids have not seen life enough to know that grades isn't everything.

Anonymous
I come and go as I like :D

Alvin said...

Great Job LP! Proud of you. While helping her to take failures, you also overcame the fear of failure by trying something new and untested!

BK said...

You did a wonderful thing for the kid! The pressures of today's education system and society are just mad. There's way too much pressure heaped upon the children. It's really sad.

I'm also tutoring 2 students who are private candidates. They aren't bad kids, just that they don't fit into our system here. And it's really a system that built aroud sorting out "workers" who are wanted :/

la papillion said...

Hi anonymous,

I like your quote that grades isn't everything and you're right that the kids didn't see enough of the world yet to know that. I've always been telling them not to treat the milestone exams as a make it or break it kind of exams...life's a lot more than just that. But I guess these kinds of things must be experienced for themselves..can't really be taught.

Hi Alvin,

Yup :) It's truly untested. When I tried it, I'm not sure if it'll work too (in fact, I still don't know). But my heart says so, and so I follow, especially since my head also thinks that it's workable.

Hi BK,

Haha, you struck a chord in my heart...indeed, it's a system built to produce standardized cogs to fit some parts of the entire machine. I was having a conversation with someone regarding the purpose of education here. Most would think that education expands your potential...but I think increasingly, it seems to limit your potential and tell you what you cannot become instead of what you could become. Just look at kindergarten kids...they can be superhero, doctor, nurse, sweeper..anything they want. When it comes to sec sch and you ask the same question...only blank faces, a non-committal shrug. What happened to their fire? Quenched by standardized education and streaming?

I hope doing what I do don't contribute to the problem...that's my greatest fear.

BK said...

Well, we can only do what we can and hope that whatever we are doing is right.

Ao said...

Hey LP,

This video more or less sums up what you are thinking. Not sure whether have you seen it before as I had posted it on cbox before.

I think it is pretty hard to change the whole education system as students are rewarded when they conform to it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDZFcDGpL4U