Wednesday, April 02, 2014

How to party a chaotic good character with a lawfully neutral one?

I read an interesting article from wall street journal by Charles Murray here. In his article, he wrote that punctuality, orderliness and thriftiness are the top three personal habits that may make or break your relationship with your other half. I totally agree. Usually these 3 things are the ones that me and my wife would argue about when we first started our journey together.

We're like polar opposites, so maybe that's why we are attracted to each other. There's something magical about being with someone who is quite opposite from you - all of us will end up having our horizons and experience expanded, if you can tolerate the initial upheaval of your 'system'.

In terms of punctuality, I'm the one who lives by the clock, while she's the one who don't keep time. If we have an appointment at 10am, I'll be ready at 9am, while she's just getting ready to be 'ready' at 9am. This causes much friction while we're dating because I seem to be always waiting for her. But after a long time, I think we're used to each other's sense of time. For me, time is absolute and immovable, while for her, time can be stretched. She has come to realise the value of being prepared ahead of time because of several experiences where she is almost late for some important functions. For me, I've learned to take it easy because even if I'm early, most of the time, the other party will be late anyway. No real harm is done.

Orderliness: In short, I'm the tidy one and she's the messy one. Every day, we'll be fighting a battle of order against chaos. She'll take out stuff from the drawers and leave it lying around, while I'll be busy keeping up to put it back in. It's quite comical and hilarious sometimes. I get energy from having things in a orderly  manner; she don't. After I explained to her, she compromised by keeping certain areas tidy while I keep my eyes closed on other areas. That works very well for us.

Thriftiness: I'm the thrifty, misery one and she's the spender, generous one. She can complain about me being tight about money but when it comes to making financial decisions, I'm the one with all the facts and data at hand and will guide or take her through. I can complain about her spending a lot of money but when it comes to giving, or charity, or helping others she'll take the lead and show me how to be hospitable. I think I can certainly learn a lot from her, just as she can from me.

Being with your polar opposite doesn't always turn out in a good way. Some marriages are broken because of irreconcilable differences. I can imagine how some people cannot embrace diversity and always insists that they are right. If that's the case, then finding someone closer to yourself might be easier to handle in terms of relationship issues. My alignment is lawfully neutral while hers is chaotic good. Not the perfect match alignment wise, but very very versatile in terms of party mix. I think because we mix around so often, I'm slowly changing to chaotic neutral while she's changing to lawfully good. Not a major change but certainly perceptible.

I think the key to a good party combination, regardless of alignment or personal habits, is to be empathetic. If you can put yourself in the shoes of others, you can be with (almost) anyone. Compromising doesn't mean that you're wrong, it just means that you value the relationship more than who's right and who's wrong.


Anonymous said...

Ha! Ha!
This is what people says,
"Love until it hurts".
If you don't "hurt" me, where got feelings.
i don't care at all about you.