Friday, May 17, 2013

Learning to say no

I need to learn how to say NO.

Perhaps it's the up-bringing or the circumstances that lead me to think that being a nice-guy, you have be as agreeable to everyone as much as possible. Even to the extent of sacrificing yourself for the 'greater good'. But experience had told me that there is no greater good to sacrifice, most of the time. Whatever passed off as greater good is just someone's or some group's selfish personal agenda. Hence, whatever sacrifices you made so that there a greater good is served is just pure delusion, mostly on my part, egged on by my false sense of what being a nice guy entails.

I am one who usually don't exert my rights to others. I'll just suck it up. But it's time to change. No point being a nice guy when others don't play nice. AND more importantly, I've to realise that it's okay to say no. I won't become a devil by saying no when I really mean it. I should practice saying no everyday. These are a few examples:

1. Can you help me with this? No, I'm busy.

2. Can you come over at this time because I'm only free at this period of time? No, I'm not available at other times.

3. Sorry I mixed up your orders and added ice to your drink, is it okay for you to take this nevertheless? No, I want it to be replaced without ice, sorry.

I guess part of the reason why others can say no easily is because they are not afraid to exert what is right for them. I always 'system-think' too much instead of exerting my own individuality. I should be more individualistic instead of group thinking too much. Part of learning how and when to say no is also the fact that I become more attuned to what I really want. I want to live a life for myself instead of living someone else's life. I shouldn't take myself so seriously and think that when I say 'no', things will fall apart. Things will most likely carry on with or without my affirmative yes.

Yes, life will still carry on with or without my participation.


Weowster said...

To unnice yourself, you need to cut the sorry in "No, I want it to be replaced without ice, sorry". Of course, you could decide to say no in this instance and keep the sorry.

Personally I grew up with the bad habit of being nice. I'm still learning not to be nice unnecessarily.

It actually feels right when I stand up to my rights. But sometimes, I piss mediocre spirits off. Then again, they are not worth being nice to anyway.


la papillion said...

Hi Weowster,

I think I'm the same as you. From young, I grew up with the bad habit of being nice. And it's not always good to be nice to people, esp to people who don't deserve it.

I think I've been brainwashed from young by evil doers who exploit nice people, to become nice so that I'll be more easily bullied. Some sort of social engineering.

Alvin said...

I am mr nice too. I think it is an Asian culture thingy - we focus on preserving harmony and in the process make personal sacrifices. in the western world, they encourage self expression and u need not care about what others like it or not. that is why ang moh seems to be more aggressive than Asians and talk a lot more. we are so afraid to say things that may offend others.

la papillion said...

Hi Alvin,

Hmm, I don't know whether you feel that it's better to be nice guy or do you want to change so that you're more individualistic or remain group-think?

Alvin said...

Most importantly, it is about what is right. If it is the right thing to do, and it requires me to say no, I will have to say it even if it offends other people. But I will not go to the extent to keep advocating my views against the group, if there is no necessity to do so. Hence, I would say we should strike a balance between the eastern and western culture :D